We recently visited a local wellness center focused on meditation. I wasn’t in her two and a half hour class because the thought of sitting quietly for more than thirty minutes sounds impossible. The thought of being still and quieting my mind is laughable.
If I think about sitting still I fidget like I’m sitting on an ant hill. If I think about quieting my mind it is like a shot of espresso. The need to move and the distractions are too much. I lose focus and notice the wall paper to the smell of the carpet, what others are wearing and the sound of cars in the parking lot. I not only hear the voices in my own head but I hear the voices in other peoples heads.
My idea of meditation is to be kept immobile and have all of my senses blocked. The initial thirty minutes is a struggle because I struggle. I test every avenue of escape until I surrender. I strain to see and hear through the silent darkness, I feel every inch of my skin, stretch and strain to test my movement and finally relax.
This sounds very strange to most people but this is what I need. I don’t need mood music, scented candles or a soft voice narrating a visualization. This may sound severe but I require forced meditation to have any success.
The two and a half hours are easy because I need to be there for two and a half hours. The meditation is deep, much deeper than I have ever achieved setting is a quiet place. The level of relaxation and focus are amazing.