As a child growing up in the fifties and sixties I had no idea what was different about me. In school the measure of “normal” intelligence was based on how fast you could read aloud, complete a page of math problems or memorize names and dates. For me reading a chapter in a text book was almost impossible and often took three times longer to complete than the majority of other students.
Reading aloud produced panic attacks and the speed math tests were demoralizing because I was always the last to finish. Memorizing the Gettysburg address and attempting to recite it in front of my junior high literature class still leaves a deep scar. I did manage to complete twelve years of school and graduate 150 out of 300 but my college career was short lived because of the amount of reading required.
My behavior was always an issue in those years. I was constantly distracted, had uncontrollable energy and could not control my tongue. The popular approach to dealing with this behavior in those years was a time out, detention, corporal punishment (paddling) or public shaming, a favorite of my mother and most of my teachers. In those days the diagnosis for my behavior was stupid, lazy and an out of control brat.
I’m by no means a victim or claim any right to favor or pity. On the other hand I was forced to find my own methods to deal with my lack of focus and hyper activity. Even though I could not focus enough to read the books I wanted to read I found other methods of gathering information. These were unique non-traditional methods many of which I wasn't even aware I had developed. I subconsciously studied facial expressions, verbal communication, and body language. I observed the behavior of the people around me, their nature and many things I can't understand or explain. Some things I just knew but have no idea how I knew. I did have people in my life that read the books I wished I could read and I could debrief them, plus a couple of wise "Yoda's" that taught me how to reason and critically think.
Over the years I learned to start and finish physical tasks, control my body, hold my tongue and mask my lack of focus. I masked it so well I was 45 before a professional noticed. I was a sceptic at first but after I was thoroughly tested and diagnosed with ADHD, a few other learning disorders and life long bouts with depression.
When I learned this I was elated and upset at the same time. I wanted to go back in time and tell my teachers “See there was something wrong with me!”, but I also I had to accept that fact that there was something wrong with me.
I was prescribed a medication that changed everything. I could focus on normal tasks and then I read an entire book in about a week. This doesn’t sound like a big deal to most people, but having read cover to cover less than ten books in my life I had to resist the urge to call my family and friends to brag. I was like a toddler who had pooped on my own for the very first time. The medication was great for focusing on mental tasks but it did little to control my nervous physical energy.
A constant chorus of social demands to sit still and pay attention took so much of my energy I became isolated from people and social settings. I craved more and more something that would keep me physically still. Something that would quiet my mind and something that would force me to just “BE”.
What I had found when I was very young was physical restraint. I craved someone or something that would hold me immobile so I could stop using my energy to stay still and get some rest. This was not something I could ever talk about because it was “weird” to the majority of people. I lived with this secret desire practicing what I could privately for the majority of my life.
I found like many people with a similar experience to mine in the BDSM community. The "B" in BDSM stands for bondage and is usually associated with the other letters Discipline and Sado Masochism mixed in with a lot of sex. I’m all down with sex but the experience I wanted was to simply be restrained in a nice comfortable way and left alone to enjoy it, so I never really fit. I slowly found a community inside of that community that were just like me.
Over decades of interacting in this community I sought out these like minded individuals. I found a common interest in full coverage sensory deprivation nonsexual isolation restraint. Since then I have moved away from that community and practice adult swaddling in a more specialized and focused way. If you are part of that community you are welcome but please understand my practice has no sexual focus or power dynamic.
I began focusing specifically on the deeper meditative aspects of restraint and sensory deprivation and those who understood it. What we had in common beyond this were a hyper activity or mental focus issues. Most if not all were extremely intelligent, some were mathematicians, computer programers or had high stress high responsibility jobs, some in high level executive positions. What we all had in common was the need for the freedom, comfort and safety of this full body restraint.
I believe this powerful technique can be of value to others suffering from these issues and I also believe this technique can have a therapeutic effect on anyone who suffers from daily stress.
I have refined this practice for many decades. I have practiced and experimented with every form of physical restraint and sensory deprivation technique personally and with like minded friends. I have compiled a lifetime of research, experiments and interviews to understand the power of this practice. Now I want to share what I have discovered with the world.
My hope is to share this secret with as many as I can and to start a new therapeutic approach to deep meditation that I believe has been long overlooked.